I read a post by the wonderful (mama to be) Hannah Gale the other day about her identity once she becomes a mum and it got me thinking about my identity.
So, who am I?
I’m Jess, a daughter, a sister, a friend and a wife. I like leopard print, trashy tv, tea with milk & one sugar and lindt chocolate.
I don’t like the wind, gravy (I know), swimming in the ocean or having less than 50% phone battery.
But I’m also a mother. Wrens mama. And that seems to usurp everything else.
Wren is everything I never knew I wanted and I fall in love with him a little bit more everyday. I’m so incredibly lucky to have carried my little babe, given birth to him and now call myself his mama.
However there are some days when I feel like being a mum is all I am. I don’t feel like a friend when the only thing I’ve got to say is that Wren rolled over for the first time today. Nor do I feel like a wife when the only conversation Brett and I have is about how many poos Wren has done. Heck, sometimes I don’t even feel like a functioning member of society when I haven’t left the house for three days and have to watch Bake Off five days late.
Then there are days when I love being just a mum because I am a mum and that’s never going to change. I love feeding Wren and seeing him grow. I love seeing him develop and learn something new each day. And actually I love telling my friends that Wren rolled over for the first time because that’s my life now and I find it pretty bloody amazing that this tiny little babe of mine is now strong enough to roll over!
I don’t think I’ve quite found the balance yet between who I was before I became a mother and who I am now. Maybe it’s all in my head and my friends still see the old me despite Wren being my number one topic of conversation. Maybe as the months go on I’ll start to find myself a little bit more and feel more confident in who I am.
And maybe it’s okay to feel like this whilst Wren is still so tiny and for now I’ll relish being just a mum whilst I still can because I’m sure as time passes, Wren becomes less dependent on me and my days are no longer consumed by him I’ll miss these hazy days like crazy and I’ll wish that I could be just a mum all over again.